Mildred Antenor Bridging The Gap

"Hair Dues" The Musical

2011-12-27T17:52:00.000-08:00

I recently went to a reading of the show “Hair Dues” and I was so blown away! It’s a new musical comedy currently in the development stage for a full off-Broadway/Broadway production. And writers Christopher D. McDonald and Paul Nelson so beautifully and creatively put it together.

Women of all ethnicities and hair types know the constant barrage of issues that we encounter with our hair on a daily basis. “Hair Dues” puts those joys and dilemmas on the stage while setting them to music allowing us to contemplate, cry and laugh at the tresses that we value so much. Look for “Hair Dues” in theaters soon!

Christopher D. McDonald lyricist and book writer of "Hair Dues"

“Matted or combed, fried in the heat, dyed ‘till you can’t anymore. Hair never starts as a beautiful thing. Hair is war”.

These aren't random warnings from your hair stylist but a sample of the clever lyrics written by Christopher D. McDonald in his new musical titled “Hair Dues” with music by Paul Nelson. Christopher, a Tisch School of the Arts graduate states, “Although the story is set in a black hair salon, it's a musical that speaks to women from all ethnicities and hair types. Hair is a universal theme and the relationship that we all have with our hair is powerful and whimsical simultaneously. Hair is an adornment while possessing a deeper story behind it. This dichotomy is what attracted me to write the book and lyrics and I truly believe audiences will be impressed once it comes out of the development stage”.

Some of us might have real issues with our hair but isn’t it more fun to see the drama being played out on stage rather than on our own heads? Look out for “Hair Dues” because it is sure to be a musical theater treat.

Women Helping Women

2011-12-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

Women helping women, partakers in Carole Hyatt's Networking Salon, in her apartment, New York, NY.

Recently I attended a very uplifting and thought-provoking gathering of about 50 women. It is a “Networking Salon” created over 10 years ago in Manhattan by entrepreneur and best-selling author Carole Hyatt. In this group of networkers, I noticed women from different walks of life, whom were also at different stages in their varied professions, coming together and helping each other by giving advice, referrals and support---which got me thinking. Today there are more groups of women who have banded together to help each other in their careers more so than in any other time in history. It’s a phenomenon! Women are competing with each other but not in a cut-throat way as was once thought. There is a healthier competition—where we are taking cues and direction from each other but the catch is that we’re using each other’s accomplishments to serve as a motivator for our own goals.

According to Carole Hyatt, “it’s because we are pacing each other and not tearing each other down.”

The purpose of the salons is to bring professional women together and help build a strong community of skilled female business leaders. The format is rather informal as when it starts the women introduce themselves with a short elevator speech. Carole stresses the importance that the group uses what she calls the “request/offer” format, something that she created where each woman expresses what goal she is striving to meet in her professional life and what she can offer in return. The offer could be anything from a free 1-hour career coaching session to a free lunch or dinner. This plan ties-in with the spiritual belief that in order to get something we must give first. Business cards are exchanged and materials are given on how to effectively follow-up to keep the momentum going with the women that the participants meet.

These initiatives and programs are great and as a career woman, I have benefited from attending networking salons like the ones Carole Hyatt hosts at her home. But what was not clear to me until now is that women have a great advantage here that men do not have. In the past, we learned to take advantage of it. By our very nature as women, we are generally more nurturing and by most accounts we are not afraid to ask for help when we need it. That mind-set was always prevalent as it showed up in our personal lives, but in the last 20-plus years something very interesting has occurred. Women have taken those same open-communicative traits and parlayed them into their professional lives as well.

Thin Women Make More Money

2011-10-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that men make more money than women, and thank goodness that pay gap is slowly decreasing. Thanks to Obama’s signing into law the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

But when you look at the woman-to-woman pay ratio, things still seem rather antiquated. According to a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology, women who are "very thin" earn nearly $22,000 more than their "average weight counterparts." The study was conducted by the University of Florida and the London Business School, which examined the relationship between income and weight in men and women.

The study, included over 23,000 participants, and found that, while women are financially punished for any weight gain, very thin women who gained weight had the most significant drop in pay for the first few pounds of weight they put on. For American women who were below average weight who gained 25 pounds, their salaries decreased by about $15,000. But that’s not all, to make matters worse according to the study, men make steadily more as they get heavier until they are obese, after which the pay scale reverses. Thin guys however, earned a little over $8,000 less than average-weight men. But they were consistently rewarded for getting heavier, a trend that tapered off only when their weight hit the obese level. The highest pay was reached for guys who weighed a robust 207 pounds. What do I say about this?

It’s yet another sexist way to punish women who don’t fit into what society has crafted as its accepted standard of beauty. What’s interesting here is that men who are overweight don’t suffer the huge salary drop as women do until they become obese. This is another aspect of the cold war that still exists between men and women.

With findings like these, I wonder if we’re taking two steps backwards for every one step forward. I mean, we’re 11 years into the 21^st century but, are we really as evolved as we’d like to think that we are? With the great strides that women have made since the Suffragette movement and the passing of the 19^th amendment giving women the right to vote. Or the other huge boulders that we’ve overcome by allowing us the right to own property and pursue an education and to be considered as a serious vice-president and presidential candidate. It almost seems as if there are basically two conversations going on in American society. There is the conversation that we say in public or in mixed company that’s politically correct that supports and applauds equal opportunities for both men and women--- and yet there is the archaic conversation that we have behind closed doors among our closest friends that voice our sincere unadulterated opinions that in all sincerity in the midst of iphones, ipads, e-readers and 3-D televisions, really haven’t evolved at all even though we’ve acquired college and graduate school degrees.

I think that at the end of the day, behind closed doors, too many of us feel women's jobs are essentially bound to our looks and in fact, it is our beauty that people react to most and not our brains.

Haitian-Americans Making a Difference

2011-08-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

Nicole Hollant-Denis is a Haitian-American architect living in NYC who is helping to make a difference in Haiti post the devastating earthquake.

The pictures depict the housing that she has designed for dislodged Haitian citizens after the earthquake.

All information contained in these drawings and photos is copyrighted.

All intellectual property is the sole ownership of Aarris Architects & Taller Larjas, LLC.

No part of these drawings can be replicated, reproduced or reused without prior authorization

from the principals, owners of said companies.

This construction set is solely for the purposes of erecting a prototype domicile for the

duration of the BBBC Haiti Competition. It is not intended for use to construct permanent

residential structures.

Haiti One Year Later After the Earthquake

2011-06-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

One year ago, we were all riveted to our television sets as news outlets gave back-to-back coverage of the devastating earthquake that destroyed Haiti’s capital and it surrounding towns. Between 250,000 and 300,000 people died. And when it happened, I remember being called to give my perspective on some news programs on the aftermath. At that time, I was pretty certain that within a decade, the country would start anew. But now, a year later, I see things a bit differently. It’s become very obvious that rebuilding will be a more difficult and complex task.

It is difficult because Haiti’s infrastructure before the earthquake was in need of major repair. And the earthquake only demolished what little foundation was left. Now 1 year after the devastation, there is practically very little sound infrastructure to work with. And so at this point, it’s about starting at the very beginning.

It’s complex because, Haiti is at a crossroads, this is a turning point for the country. I’m not talking about rebuilding anymore; now, it’s about transformation. It’s about a paradigm shift in the leadership of the country that needs to take place in order to showcase the Haiti that so many Haitians and Haitian-Americans like myself know and love about the country.

Many people who travel to Haiti for the first time often come back to the United States and say that they’ve fallen in love with the charm, charisma and appeal that is Haiti. There is definitely an allure about Haiti that you can only experience first-hand, it’s hard to explain unless you’ve actually been there. The country itself has a pull that draws you back to it if not for the natural beauty of the landscape, then certainly for the hospitality and warmth of the Haitian people. And we hear time and time again of how Haitians are resilient and resourceful people and they can create something out of nothing. It runs through their DNA and as a Haitian-American woman, I can certainly attest to that. I often times wonder where I’d be without that Haitian resilience. Which, by the way also explains how Haitians can continue to survive after going through natural disasters and political turmoil for so many years.

But…the resilience of the Haitian people is not enough; fundamental changes have to occur at the political, economic and social level in order for a real transformation to take place. And the bold leadership that is needed from the Haitian government has not shown up yet. And speaking of government, just a few days ago, the ousted president Jean-Claude Duvalier, or as he is more commonly known, “Baby Doc” returned to the country from a 25-year exile to do what?? No one knows for sure. Duvalier has said in a statement to reporters last week that he came back to Haiti because he is homesick and wants to help rebuild the country. But there is speculation that he went back to salvage money that he sorely needs. He is reportedly broke. In any case, Duvalier is a prime example of the political system that needs to flee Haiti before a transformation can occur.

Why Is The Number of Childless Women At An All-Time High?

2011-06-03T20:45:00.000-07:00

A current report by the Pew Research Center said recently that an increasing number of women are choosing to remain childless. This trend is growing mostly with more women opting to further their careers and delaying or avoiding motherhood entirely. According to the report, 1 in 5 women between the ages of 40 and 44 were childless in 2008, this number dropped from 31% in 1994.

Now am I a hypocrite for what I’m about to say? I don’t think so, you see I am an educated woman with a son. But at the same time, it doesn’t sit well with me when I see women having one child after another and loosing themselves and their identities in their children or worse---living vicariously in their child’s lives. It often makes me wonder how far have we really come as women in the 21^st century. I truly believe that women who choose to loose their identities in their children are afraid of looking at themselves and finding out who they really are. I mean, self-examination isn’t the easiest thing in the world, and by the way, these are the same women who meddle and refuse to allow their children to grow up to face adulthood. I mean in the normal scheme of things, kids grow up and they have to live their own lives. There comes a time when we have to allow our children to grow and leave the nest provided of course that they have the proper parental direction in their formative years. Another point of displeasure for me is when I mention to folks that I have a child and the guaranteed question that soon follows is, “So when are you going to have another one?” ---- Excuse me? As if a woman’s sole purpose is nothing more than to populate the planet? I don’t know but I don’t take those biblical references literally. I wonder how those same folks would feel if they read the study or listened to this commentary.

Interestingly enough, the same study said that some of the reasons as to why women are choosing to remain childless has to do with the many choices that women have today. For example some explanations are that the social pressure to bear children is not as wide spread in the U.S. as it once was and that it has diminished for women and that today the decision to have a child is seen as an individual choice. Or one between herself and her partner--- that’s funny, I thought that it always was a choice between a woman and her partner. Another reason for the change in social climate has to do with improved job opportunities. By year-end in 2009 , there were 15 female CEO’s running Fortune 500 companies including Ursula Burns, CEO of Xerox, the first African American female CEO in the U.S. Add to that better contraception methods that have also helped to create alternatives for women who choose not to have children. And on the educational front, there has been a steady increase in the last 2 decades of women furthering their bachelor’s and graduate degrees. And as a result, they are coming out of colleges with diplomas in hand and charging head-first into their careers. I can certainly attest to the growing female population on college campuses. In the last 10 years alone, 90% of the courses that I teach have been mostly female. The women outnumber the men on a grand scale in college classrooms. As a result of charging ahead into their careers, women are delaying marriage and childbearing while some are opting to not have children at all.

This is a phenomenon that is being seen across all racial and ethnic groups and education levels. White women are the most likely not to have children; but child-less rates are growing more quickly for blacks, Hispanics and Asians as well. Women are thinking outside of the box and are taking advantage of the various choices available to them which are unprecedented in this day and age. They are taking the time to do things that they enjoy--- like traveling, shopping and eating out. All of which are much easier to do without a baby in the picture. But also in tough economic times like these and with high unemployment, many women are feeling that they are not in the financial position to have children just yet. They are being realistic and working on themselves first before bringing a child that they are not ready to care for.

Now, I think that this is great. Because it means that we are respecting and taking more seriously the whole concept of motherhood and what it means. When I’m asked when am I going to have another child—I don’t think that most people don’t consider the seriousness of what it means to be a parent. This new trend means that we are making some very honest decisions about what it means to care for a child, economically, educationally, medically and socially.

The Gabrielle Giffords Affect

2011-02-11T18:07:00.000-08:00

As I listened to the news reports several days ago announcing that congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords had been shot in the head by a deranged lunatic, I couldn’t help but feel shock, disbelief and tremendous sadness over such a senseless act. We know by now that Giffords, miraculously was not killed by the bullet that went through her head but, that sadly 6 other people were killed by the shooter’s gunfire including 9-year-old Christina Green. We know from the news reports that Christina Green was interested in politics, and that she was recently elected to the student council of her elementary school, and that a neighbor knowing how Christina was fascinated by the political world, offered to take the child to the “Congress on Your Corner” event that Congresswoman Giffords was known to hold in her district. We also know or should speculate that Congresswoman Gifford’s was a role model to little Christina, it’s safe to say that here were two females a generation apart who were reflections of each other. One who was already successfully on her political / career route for whom the sky was the limit and by the way --was the only congresswoman in her district in Arizona-- a Generation Xer-- and Christina who was not yet on the road of a career but was beginning to see all of the possibilities that she could entertain as a professional in her adult life.

Christina Green was sadly killed in that senseless act of violence and her young voice has been silenced, but in the aftermath of this horrible tragedy, I am worried that what happened on January 8^th will be a silencer to women of Gabrielle Giffords generation and Christina’s generation and those around and in between. There are many other little girls just like Christina who look up to strong, intellectual and powerful women like Congresswoman Giffords and there are many countless other adult women in every age group who want to emulate and silently or publicly cheer-on those like the congresswoman when they speak on their platform. I’m concerned that what happened this month will quiet too many women and make us lose our nerve to speak up and be heard. We’ve come too far, overturning barriers, holding picket signs, marching in protest against inequality to stop now. Losing our nerve is not an option.

Incidentally, some are debating that the shooter had a streak of misogyny in him, I suspect that he did, but that is neither here nor there, what’s important is that women of all generations continue the good fight. Continue making our voices heard, mentoring and supporting other women in our communities and focusing on our own educational, business or political aspirations and making it happen for ourselves.

I suppose Gabrielle Giffords said it best, when after her office was vandalized last year for her support of the healthcare reform bill, she said, “We know that silence equals consent when atrocities are committed against innocent men, women and children. We know that indifference equals complicity when bigotry, hatred and intolerance are allowed to take root. And we know that education and hope are the most effective ways to combat ignorance and despair.”

History Lesson on Haiti

2010-12-02T12:18:00.000-08:00

Less than a year since the immense earthquake, that devastated Port-au-Prince, Haiti, Haitians are still picking up chunks of concrete that are scattered all over the effected cities. And as if that weren’t enough, the recent cholera outbreak has already killed 1,603 people and the numbers are growing. As Haitians struggle to rebuild the country in the midst of great conflict, there have been numerous inaccurate news reports about Haiti from many journalists and news outlets. I’m disappointed over the fact that too many stories are not painstakingly checked for accuracy before they are showcased on the airwaves. Broadcasting information that is not confirmed true is dangerous because there are those who will listen to those erroneous reports and rest on them as fact. The information is so misleading that I felt compelled to speak to it. Recently, CNN reported that if one of the frontrunners in Haiti’s presidential election, Mirlande Manigat wins, then she will become Haiti’s first female president. The fact is that Haiti’s first female president was Ertha P. Trouillot . Ms. Trouillot held office from March 13, 1990 – February 7, 1991. She relinquished her presidential seat after a political coup.

· Here are some additional facts about Haiti: did you know that, Haitians led the only successful slave revolt fighting against Napoleon’s army which resulted in Haiti’s independence on January 1^st, 1804.

The fact that Haitians won their independence through a very bloody 13-year war against Napoleons army points to the tenacity of Haitian people. Imagine being a slave and fighting against what was at that time, one of the strongest armed forces in the world. The French had their bayonets and other forms of weaponry while the Haitian slaves fought with homemade weapons of knives and machetes.

· Did you know that in 1779 over 500 Haitian soldiers came to Savannah Georgia to help American soldiers fight against the British in what was called the Siege of Savannah. A large number of Haitian’s lost their lives on U.S. soil.

· Did you know that after Haiti became an independent nation that in 1822 Haiti invaded the Spanish colony of what is now called the Dominican Republic and ended slavery and colonialism there too, helping the Dominican Republic gain its independence?

· Did you know that Haiti supplied Simon Bolivar once president of Venezuela and founder of Bolivia with weapons, and several hundred Haitian freedom fighters to help him free the Spanish colonies from colonial rule?

· Did you know that the city of Chicago was founded by a Haitian man by the name of Jean Baptiste Pointe du Sable?

I could certainly go on but my point is that Haiti is a culturally rich and very complex country. And it’s very irresponsible and reckless to talk about a subject without doing ones homework.

The Importance of Mentoring Women

2010-11-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

At a recent get-together for coffee with some female friends, I was stunned to hear the chatter of a certain 35-year-old woman who had joined the meeting. Although she was close to middle age, her viewpoint on life seems to resemble that of a teenager. During the gathering, she used the other women and myself as therapists to various issues that she was facing in almost every aspect of her life and we each in turn gave her our advice on how she should proceed. But it was clear that this woman had through no clear thinking of the consequences to her actions. On my way home that afternoon, I thought how many grown women like her need someone to mentor them throughout life.

We hear all the time about how young girls and boys need someone to mentor them but, adult women need mentors too. It’s a mistake to believe that once we become of legal age that somehow life provides the answers for us. Some adults understand the nuances of life easier than others but on some level we all need someone to show us the ropes, whether it be for issues regarding: work and career, relationships, finances, or how to handle ourselves when life happens. Women need mentoring and support groups on a continuous basis. I for one have gained a host of skills from my own mentor. And I question why most adult females don't allow themselves to become mentees. Could it be pride, ignorance or both? I think that as adults, we’ve bought into a myth that says that by the time we’re 30, we definitely should have all the answers to life, but in reality that’s when the learning is just beginning. And too many of us unfortunately buy into that myth and are ashamed to ask for help when we need it.

Organized mentoring programs for women are few and far between, there are certainly hundreds for young girls and boys alike and there are even programs for women who have been incarcerated providing them with housing, financial and spiritual support. Those mentoring programs give the new ex-cons help in transitioning into society.

But what about women who have no incarceration history and are just living their lives? Let’s face it, at times, life throws some fast balls that we didn’t see coming and it forces us to do some internal examination, but, how much better is it when we have someone that we can go to who is wiser and maybe older to help us figure out the answers.

One such organization that understands this is The Women’s Mentoring Network based in Garland, Texas. Through this network, women are placed with a mentor to help them figure out life’s questions. At the core, they encourage women through support and advice--how to be more personally effective in their daily lives.

But whether you join a formal group or begin a mentoring relationship with women from your book club, gym or church group it’s important to simply start the process. There are really no hard and fast rules to how meetings should be conducted. Some women meet once a month at a local coffee shop, bookstore or in each other’s homes. Or if there is no time for a face-to-face meeting a phone call is the next best thing.

Mentoring for adult women is a win-win situation because there are a host of things to gain from a mentoring relationship: it is a way to enjoy intellectual contact, and discover new ways of doing things and it gives the women a chance to grow inwardly. Because let’s face it, no matter how old we are, there is always something new to learn--or as comedian Lilly Tomlin puts it, “The road to success is always under construction.”